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Ep 263 Transcript


All right, ladies, welcome



to this episode of The joyful scaling Podcast. Today, we’re talking about financial wholeness with an absolutely beautiful lady. Her name is Amy. And I’m going to ask her to say your name and just a bit when I’m done with the introduction, because maybe then you’ll understand why I couldn’t pronounce it or even tried to. But Amy is a money coaching extraordinaire. She is a certified flourishing life coach, and a qualified associate financial planner. She’s the founder of a company called New insurer, where they focus on listening and learning about your why and what you value. Like she’s not your average financial planner. I mean, she’s just amazing. I met her on LinkedIn fell madly in love, especially after we had a chat. I mean, you’re gonna love this. Okay, so Amy’s goal in her work with every client is to equip them with a roadmap that empowers them to financially finish well, and experienced this concept we’re going to spend some time talking about, again, financial wholeness, she is the founder and host of the sharing the manual podcast. But ladies buckle your seats, because Amy’s passion for her work and for your good. runs deep. So let’s say hello to Amy.



Hi. I am so excited. Thank you for having me on your show. Thank you so



much. Oh, my goodness. My pleasure. And would you please say your your whole name so they can see why I couldn’t do it.



Right. And it’s so bad. Everybody calls me at you. But it’s actually Amy. I must balance Leila.



Thank you. Okay, now they get it.



Yes, yes. Understandably. So nobody, nobody says that. It’s just



EBU or AJ for short. Yeah, it’s anyway. So all right. So listen, Amy, money is on the table. And money is a hot topic, no matter if the economy’s doing great, or the economy right now is not doing so great. But you as I read your website, you really start with your clients money stories. So I would love for you to just dive in right there and tell us about our money stories. Because sometimes we may not even realize we have a money story.



And we often don’t like I didn’t know about this concept until how many years ago. But if we think about it, even in life, we really look and filter how we do like through four lenses. Right? What we’ve been told what we’ve learned, what we’ve experienced in what we believe. Now whether any of that quarter bad, we have these filters. And that’s how we do life. And so when I meet with clients, I normally ask them what was money like for you as a kid? And that’s big, because oftentimes, maybe, you know, there was a scarcity mindset. Maybe there was an abundance mindset. Maybe there was financial abuse, maybe there was money trauma, like there’s a lot of things that can be back there that we haven’t unpacked. But also, what is your first memory of money? Now, when I asked this question, I absolutely love it. Because the amount of detail that people can get into, it’s phenomenal. And you know, here’s a prime example. My first memory of money was when my mom and dad lost a fair amount of money. And it changed the whole trajectory of our life. But it also changed how I lived out my finances. And so when I first learned this whole Money Story concept, I asked my daughter at the time when she was 16. Like, what’s your first memory of money, and she’s like, Mom, it’s when dad passed away, and we lost everything. Now, if I look at her money habits, she’s had a job for many years. Now since she was 14. She is a hoarder, like, through and through. And so her she’s got this scarcity mindset that the other shoes gonna drop, and it has actually led her to walk away a certain way with her money. And, you know, saving is good to do not I love the fact that she’s a saver, but there’s got to be a balance with it, right? So I’ve had to almost work with her and retrain her mindset when it comes to. That’s not the norm, there’s a healthy balance with it. So it can go both ways, good or bad when we look at your money story, and we really have to kind of dismantle some of those old belief systems that we have about money, and we have to rebuild the truth. And we have to live that out.



Okay, wow. So much to unpack there. We could talk for hours. I was thinking about this is so funny. I’m just thinking about my first encounter with money like what do I remember? Yeah. And it’s the Tooth Fairy leaving a nickel under my pillow.



Like, hey, yeah, and what more about that, tell me more about that.



I just remember be excited that I had a frickin nickel. And um, you know. And also I have to say that some of my friends had an allowance. So I remember when I was like, eight or 10 saying can I have an allowance? And I don’t think she ever I don’t think mom and dad ever gave it to me and I’m I remember being upset about it, because they, I had, I felt like I had everything I needed. But because I was raised poor, I know there’s a bad story that I overcome, you know what I mean? So,



yeah, we all have them, we all have these stories. And sometimes it takes a little bit of going a little deeper and a little deeper to actually find it. Because the punches that we try to bury that we really do, we try to, like just kind of know, there’s nothing there. But it’s, you’re never going to overcome and reach your financial finish line until you actually unpack some of those things. And so that’s why I go there first. Because if we can master our emotions, we can master our money, and we can master our life. Because every financial decision is driven from an emotion.



Wait, say that? That’s a huge aha for me.



Yeah. So all of our decisions, even in life, not just our money, derive from any emotion. So if we can master our emotions, we can master our money. Think of dominoes, right? It’s a domino effect. Every financial decision you make has a domino effect. So let’s say you say yes to something today. It’s gonna mean, you might have to say no to something else tomorrow. So do you want to say yes to that today. So I may want to go buy a vehicle, here’s a great example, I may want to go buy a vehicle. If I go buy that vehicle, and I take on that loan to take on that vehicle, I may have to say no to a vacation, or notice something else later. Because I’ve now taken on this vehicle. So there’s always a ripple effect. There’s always a domino effect to any financial decision. And it’s normally emotion that’s driving it.



Wow. Because this, I can tell you that years ago, when I married my husband, back in 2015, we went to a financial planner, she never asked these kinds of questions. And frankly, I didn’t think she was very good. But anyway, um, like, like, there was not much there. It was just what do you make? What does she make? You know, what do you do for a living? And whatever? I mean, and how much do you have now it wasn’t really a deep Convo. So this is really interesting how you work with your clients. But you mentioned that we have to dismantle these old stories, like, how, how does that happen?



So it’s deep work, it truly is, we really want to go and find the root of it. So yes, your numbers are really important. But the root of how you got there is really important, as well. And so when we have to dismantle we have to figure out what is the life that you’re bleeding? For what, what is the behaviors and the patterns that you have? And what is the what’s the driving force of them. And normally, it doesn’t emotion. And this is the deep work that not everyone to go and do is because when we start to look at our behaviors, and we look at and we find the emotion, that is driving the behavior with money, there’s always something deeper, and it always stems from something further deeper and deeper. And we keep going there. And once we figure out what that thread is, it’s normally a thread that is actually throughout most of our life in many areas. Now we have to figure out, okay, how do I take that thread? And that lie that’s there that’s making me have the behavior? And how do I dismantle it and replace it with truth? What is the truth to replace that lie, and we replaced it with the truth. And, you know, it’s like these neurological pathways in our brain, right? If you’re thinking about driving on a gravel road, I’m a Farm Girl. So driving on a gravel road, you get caught into the rat. And then you want to forge your own way, and you want to go on this new path on this gravel road, but those ruts keep pulling you back in, because they’re deep or ingrained. The same is true for our patterns and our behaviors with money. They’re deeply ingrained rooted in neurological pathways in our brain. So we have to rewire it. And that takes a lot of practice, and work and intention, and, you know, mantras and declarations and declaring what it is that we want and how we’re going to get there. And let’s be honest, it takes accountability. You need the right people on your bus to get you where you want to go. And you need people to hold you accountable. And there’s a difference between truth and kindness. So kindness is saying what you want to hear. But truth is saying the hard thing, because I want you to do better. I want you to reach those goals.



Wow. So good. Can you give us because I really do want to spend a lot of time talking about financial wholeness, but this is so good. Now I’m the type of person Amy, where I need to really pull this together in a way that I will remember it and think about it further for me is I kind of need to hear an example. So can you give me an example of one of your clients money stories and a little bit more of the work and the truth that ultimately was uncovered?



So you know, I interviewed a lot of people in regards to this to see how people will or how willing are they to talk about money and emotion. And when I interviewed these people, I could not believe what they shared with me. So one person had shared with me that they remember the fights Mum and Dad would have about money And that stuck with them like you would not believe. And so all of a sudden, this person believed the lie that having a lot of money was a bad thing. And that being broke was a good thing. But it was, it was almost twisted in a way. And that was very manipulative. So they believe that’s how you live out your mesh, that, you know, if you have lost if you’re manipulative, automatically, you don’t even get to justice, you know. And so all of a sudden, when we were unpacking some of this, they were, they had a lot of aha moments. They’re like, Oh, my goodness, I didn’t even know that I still held on to that. I did not even know that I remembered my mom and dad fighting about money. And that, I believe, and I believe that if you have a lot, you know, so when you said this once that there was an acronym, rich bastards are being so rich, faster. And when the person told me about, that’s what the mom would say, with people that have money, they would call them Arby’s, and it was requested. And I was kind of like, Oh, my goodness, but because you’ve heard that over and over and over again, it actually kind of became something he believed. Because remember, we have these filters, right? We have the what we’ve learned what we’ve been told, when we’ve experienced what we believe, when you hear something over and over again, you start to believe it. And so people believe that people with money, were not good people not the case at all.



Wow, that is so crazy. Because my parents fought all the time, they had no money. And I remember as a little girl, um, well, I’ll be really real my twin sister. And I would sometimes hide behind the couch hugging each other and crying because they just scream so much. But, you know, she and I both are like, we’re not going to live like this, I am not going to worry about money, money will be what money is. So that’s what I told myself. But I wonder what’s really going on deep.



There’s a scarcity mindset sometimes that that creeps up within us. Because if you have experience like you have, right where you’re like, there’s fighting about money, there’s manipulation, or some trauma there, you’re, it’s scary. And so the minute that you can get into a financial, financial position that you’re unsure of, you might all of a sudden, you know, have some things come up that you’re like, why am I spending this way? Or why am I doing this? Why is this happening? And it can come from that. So another example, here’s a really good example about emotional spending. And so, you know, I have this person, what color is my husband actually, when I remarried, and he decided the other day to go buy a truck without talking to me some line of credit on a truck come home, and didn’t tell me about but he tells me and I was like, Oh, my goodness, you know, I talk about money and emotions. Why did you buy this truck? Like, why did he not communicate with me. And then we got, we got to the bottom of it. And it was he, he was feeling empty and void. So it was a retail purchase. It was retail therapy. And now now that he’s looked back, he’s like, Oh, my goodness, me, I do this all the time. I’m like, I know, I’ve noticed. We need to unpack that tomorrow. And as we kind of did unpack a little bit, and of course, it’s a little bit harder when it’s your spouse, because you know, but we’ve come to realize that there’s a lot of self worth, that’s tied to his money that he makes as a job. And so as a man whose identity is tied to money, that’s his worth. So then that comes to the vehicle that comes to purchases, its retail therapy, and it fills that void that perhaps they have, but the real work needs to happen down deep to know that you’re enough and no amount of things is going to make you feel like you’re not. Hmm.



Wow, that’s so interesting that men have it too. Because I I often think that we because of like, you know, it’s so funny when I married the father of my children, who’s now deceased, I always made more than him a lot of the time, I made twice as much as him because I’m a lawyer, and he wasn’t, you know, I mean, it’s just the way it was. And it was kind of sort of an issue with us. But I don’t know, like, like, I didn’t seem to need to be as big of an issue money generally, for the men that I’ve known versus the women. Have you found that?



You know, I used to think that okay, only women talk about money in this way, and only women feel these things. And then I did a lot of research, and I interviewed a lot of men and women, and we feel the same thing. The difference is, is that women are given the space to talk about it. Whereas men aren’t necessarily given the space to talk about it. And when I asked these men, have you ever been asked these questions? They’re like, never. We don’t. Nobody’s asked us about money in this way before. And I was like, Well, how, like, are you willing to talk about it in this way? And some of them were like, it’s kind of because there’s so much we all have shame and guilt and embarrassment about money. We all do. We all carry it. And it shows up in different ways. If, and if you don’t get to the root of it, it’s going to keep showing up. And it shows up in our spending. It shows up in our habits. It shows up at the end of the day when we’re looking at our bank accounts, and oh my goodness, why can’t I figure this out? Or why can’t? What’s happening? Or when we hit feelings as business women, we hit feelings? Yeah, well, we’re hurting that feeling because there’s something still there that has a root.



Oh, my goodness, I think I might want to bring into my mastermind. And could you would you do like a workshop? That’s, I mean, this is really,



I love educating and just, I love inspiring people to see money in a different way. Numbers are really important. I get that. But let’s start shifting it a little bit. Because if we can master this, the numbers is the easy part. This is the hard part.



Wow, that’s so good. That’s so good. Okay, well let that sit on the shelf. And we’ll percolate in that I want to get to this phrase financial wholeness, like, what is it? And why? Why do we need to know about it?



You know, I, there’s so much buzz about, you know, your mental wellness and your wholeness and, and, you know, you think about financial planning and finishing well financially. And that was one of my grades is that I love finishing well financially. But then I was like, Wait a second, there’s more to finishing well, than just numbers. And that’s why I wanted to be a wholeness. And so when I reached like, and I Googled, like, you know, wholeness, what does it even mean? This is what I found for financial wholeness, when all aspects of your money are working together for your greatest good, your biggest benefit in your richest life. Now, I love you guys. So it’s true. But let’s, let’s talk about this for a second. If we want financial wholeness, we have to really get real about okay, well, where are our finish line? What is enough? What’s enough? And where are we content? Because then we can do reverse engineering. Okay, instead of instead of falling into what’s happening in the world, and striving and, you know, wanting what the Joneses have, and competing, and perfectionism and wanting more and more and more and more and more, and having this feeling like of entitlement, how about we just like, figure out what are enough that live within that? And reverse engineer thing and have contentment because when we have and contentment is a choice. It’s a choice. So it’s also a choice to have financial wholeness, because it comes down to you have to choose how you’re going to live out your finances, and what’s gonna grab a grip of you and what’s not.



Wow, that’s so good. And you know, you know me so you know, that I love the idea that your life is the result of the decisions that you make, like everything is a decision, you can decide to be overwhelmed by all of this right now, ladies, or you can decide to say, You know what, this is new. I’m smart, I’m deciding that I’m going to listen back to this again, and absorb it.



But it’s, it’s learning and unlearning. So learning is key. But we also have to unlearn. And that’s where the dismantling is, right? We have to unlearn and dismantle some of the things we were taught, or that we picked up as a filter throughout our whole entire life.



Yeah, so So how does financial wholeness, I guess, is, as you’re working with clients besides this unpacking, and, you know, getting rid of the old and bringing in the new, other other aspects to financial wholeness as it relates to your work with the with your clients?



Do I have a model that I walk people through, and it’s live give? Oh, grow? It’s not mine. It’s Dr. Ron Bloom, Mr. Ronzo. himself, he’s a phenomenal leader in the industry. And it’s really live within your means. give to causes that you care about. You owe your taxes, and you owe your debt. Think about this for a second. If you have taxes to pay, guess what that means you have provision. So how about we start paying our taxes a little bit happy, happily joyfully, because it is a sign of provision, and then grow, we always need to make sure we’re thinking about our future income need, because we’re going to need something in retirement. Now I’ve taken that further, and I’ve taken that into a life mantra because I believe that if we live as if we’re writing someone else who’s writing a book about it, we’re gonna live well. We’re gonna live our best life, right? And then oh, or live, so live your best life as if someone was writing a book about you. Give, give compassion, Grace, forgiveness to others, but also yourself. And that’s almost the hardest one. I think so. Yeah. And then oh, you owe it to yourself and your loved ones to show up and give your best yet grow your always growing and learning, so that lives give or grow applies to your money, but it also applies to your life. Wow. It’s like a secret sauce, I put it on everything.



It really is. It’s so good. And and I saw on your website, you’re talking about creating a money masterpiece. So when is that really what all this is all about, like the financial wholeness, and this mantra of live, give or grow, all of it creates this masterpiece of your life, the money aspect of it. But not only that, I mean, I’m correcting myself, this is really wholeness. It really is. It’s, it’s really based, but it impacts every part of your life. Well, and it always



will, everything in our life is actually intertwined. So our emotions, our money, you know, our physical of our diet, our work or career, like everything is actually intertwined. So we can start getting a grip on certain aspects. And then all of a sudden, we’re gonna see everything else shifting and changing. So I’m building out. So this is pretty cool. I’m actually super excited about it. And you know, there’s Bible studies, and you can do Bible studies, and you gather and you have this booklet, and you’re filling some blanks in and you’re referencing, and you’re talking to other women about it, and you’re, you know, you’re coming together, and you’re being honest and real and showing up. So I have this idea that we need to have workshop workbooks that are like that, that are designed in that way. And so I’m building one of them has eight different sections, you know, and one of them is money, but it’s where you’re gonna gather with other people. So you’re not doing this alone. With the minute we’re alone, and we’re kind of working through some of our junk, like, we’re looking at our shame and our guilt. There’s nobody there to say, Hey, me, too. So then we can kind of spiral. But if we’re doing it with other women and holding space for one another, and journey together doing it, we realize we’re not the only one, we can learn from one another. Sharing the manual, which is a tagline for my business is because our stories if we have the courage to share them become manuals for other people.



Wow, I love that. I love that. And you know, it’s so true. Because the more coaching that I get that I invest in for me, the more the more I see how the way we think impacts everything. And the more I realized that our brain doesn’t want to work hard. So that I think if we had a workbook alone, it will be hard. It will be easy rather to say, Oh, I think I’m gonna skip that one. Yeah, yeah, I’m gonna definitely skip that one, you know, as opposed to having someone lead entity? Yes. It’s so



having the community to go through it. And it is big. And so because I was making this book on so many aspects of life, I’ve actually pulled out just the money portion. And I’m like, Okay, we’re gonna start with this portion first, because it’s so big, right? Like, it’s so far, I’ve got 300 pages, like there’s a lot to it. We’re gonna do bite size, I think and just look at money habits, how can you master your money? How can you figure out what that looks like for you? So you can finish well, and be content and have this wholeness? Because money, emotions and money, kind of drive everything else. Right? And if the emotions and money are good in the home, guess what? Then all of a sudden communication relationships, partnerships are gonna be better kids relationships. And that, could you not the kids are watching us like you would not believe I have three of them. Like more is caught than taught because like, yeah, when they can spit back to me some of my sayings, and I’m like, Oh, you mean you will? You are listening?



Yeah, it’s sometimes it’s like, oh, I said, that looks



good. So how do we teach our kids? Well, guess what? They’re watching us. So how about we start living it out first. So that we were being good role models for them so that they can follow suit. Right, and they’re watching us and they’re seeing that we’re learning and that we’re taking it seriously and that we’re dismantling look at what we’re doing and they’re seeing us do the work? They’re going to do it too. Yeah, they just naturally are.



That is so that is so good. And it hits home. I’m gonna be really real for a second here. Ah, my ex my father of my kids was kind of cheap. And I am very I will say frugal with my money as well. Like I I save it. And then when it’s vacation, I will go crazy with it. Like I like Don’t Don’t tell me I can’t do anything because I’ve stayed because I want to go crazy and go out to eat and buy whatever. You know, I don’t go crazy. But I mean, that’s kind of my mentality. But when I saw my kids last weekend, I went to visit them to have my three boys and they live so simply. And I go guys, your sneakers are looking a little rough. Go and buy a new pair of sneakers. And then I don’t know. It’s like God talks to me. It’s like, okay, dude, what are you doing? So it was really, I almost wanted to cry because I’m like, oh my god, guys, if you see me doing this, call me out next time, but I will not wear sneakers that look like that. So please don’t you hear?



But this is the thing. Ask them. What is your first memory of money? Because I’d be curious, Judy, what is their first memory? Are they going back? Like you haven’t remembered different things in that relationship? And how money was? Because maybe they are and that’s causing them to be that way. Hmm. Right, because it was causing my daughter to do the same thing. Because she thought the other shoe was going to drop, she was so scared to even spend money because Dang, she’s she’s been a little. Right. So without even knowing it, this happens subconsciously. And that’s, that is what is so hard about this work is because you really have to start going layer after layer. And you know, peeling back that onion that everybody hates to talk about, but it’s true. Yeah. Because they don’t know that we have these things happening behind the scenes. And so that’s a great question to ask your boys. Because I wonder I’m curious to see if there’s something that they remember that you’re not even aware of? Yeah,



I think I’d probably cry.



Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Like I have cried so many times when I’ve realized how I have messed up or how I’ve trained my kids wrong, or how I’ve done things that are absolutely like, I remember doing mother heart ones and father heart. And when I realized what I held on to from my parents, and you know, we do the best we can with what we know. But when we know better, we can do better, like Maya Angelou has a beautiful quote. And I tell my kids this all the time. And when I own that, I’m sorry, we need to pivot. I taught you wrong. I was wrong and teaching you that way. We need to go this direction instead. That is sick. And when the kids can see us do that. That’s a big lesson. Yeah, you know, I’ve my kids know where I’ve messed up with money. They know where I’ve used it as a numbing tool. They’ve know where I’ve retail therapy thinking that I could, you know, when their dad passed away, I was like, let’s go. And I wanted to not remember. I wanted to just have fun. Yeah, you know, and I was hoping that that would help them grieve, because we weren’t we were so busy, and doing different things that we wouldn’t remember. So we didn’t have to feel the pain of it. All. Right.



Yeah. Wow. I mean, and yeah, so there things are done with the best of intentions, they may or may not be right, or best for our loved ones. This is so good. I can’t believe this. We gotta give grace,



we gotta give grace to ourselves. Because you don’t know what you don’t know. But if you know, then you can do better.



And we should. And that’s, that’s, that’s convicting thought for me that when you know that what you’re doing as reflected by my son sneakers, you know, that I’ve got to help them get to a better place financial wholeness, you know, then I would be remiss if I didn’t take steps to make sure that happens. So thank you for that. So So as we wrap up, where can the ladies find you hook up with you? And learn more about this whole going deep to rewrite our money stories?



Absolutely. So my website is you insure as well as I’m on LinkedIn, and I’m on Instagram. So y o u i n s u r e, I Or they can send me an email and by all means, like include that too, in the podcast where they can reach me.



Absolutely. I’ll drop all of that, all of that down below. Well, I mean, I’m just so intrigued. Okay, so So if there is one next step, one best next step. For us, besides asking us what’s our first memory of money? You know, and kind of looking at that, what would be the first step without a professional like you to look at the answer and say, Okay, I need to x like, Is there is there a right now to simply?



And there’s not really simple I think the biggest answer is get the right people on your path. And so when I say get the right people on your bus, you need to have, you know, a lawyer, an accountant, an advisor, money, coaches that are all working collaboratively together for your best interests. And that’s the thing, it’s not a cutthroat world. We need to work collaboratively. Everybody needs to be on the same page knowing where you where your why is and why you want to get there. And then let’s make it happen. And accountability on both part. Right. You know, if you want somebody else to show up, you got to show up to you got to do the work. It is worth everything in life. It’s going to be worked for us. We have to get Our best to give our best Yes, that’s my best advice. Give your best yet. Everything in your life, your family, your loved ones. You know your work your give your best. Yes. I love them.



I love that. And I will also say when you say this stuff is work. Again, it goes back to one of my favorite words decide, decide that. Yeah, it may be work, but it is so worth it.



My daughter loves this and she’s like, choose your heart. And I’m like saying that and so I always, like challenge my kids a little bit with what do you mean? She goes well, being skinny is hard, but being beggars hard. being unemployed is hard. But being employed. It’s hard being married. It’s hard, but being single is hard. It’s hard, but being rich is hard. So choose your damn hard. She’s



so good. So good. Amy, thank you. This has been I mean, I’m still my brain is still floating around. I can’t wait to listen back to this. So thank you for sharing all of your wisdom and just amazing.



It went so fast. Oh my goodness. Thank you so much. It was wonderful.



All right. You’re welcome. And ladies, thank you for listening. And if you have loved this episode, leave a rating and a review it means so much and do not hesitate to reach out to Amy. Because she is an absolute joy. The beautiful lady that you just heard is the beautiful you will get on the other end of wherever you reach out to her. So Thanks, Amy. Thank you ladies for listening and then we will see you next time.





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