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Ep 233 Transcript


Alright ladies, welcome to this episode of The joyful scaling Podcast. I’m here with Denise Hansard. She is a former corporate professional turned life architect love that love that. And motivational speaker. She is an expert in transformational change. And she’s the author of a book called suffering in comfort. She works with clients and takes them on a journey of choosing their worth. And she takes a strategic approach. And when I hear the word strategy, you know, I love it. So ladies, let’s welcome Denise to the show.



Oh, hello, Judy, love that. Thank you very much. And yes, life architect Absolutely. kind of describes who I am. Because I have this trifecta of a Master’s in Counseling, 20 years in the corporate world, climbing that ladder, and then got out, thank you, and have the certification life coaching. And what I help women to do is to really redefine their passion for what they do without having to start over again. And it all starts on the inside. So it’s like designing from the inside out.



And you know, I really want to go deep on that mindset piece. Because the deeper I go with coaches, and right now, the coach I have is a very high level coach, and you know, coaches better have coaches, or they really can’t walk their talk, right, totally, yeah. And what I’m finding too nice is that it isn’t really about the tactic at all. It’s the mindset behind your application of the tactic, the strategic tactics. So I’d love to just give the ladies an idea of, you know, your life journey, because in the notes that that we’ve had sent back and forth, you said, you spent the past 20 years, you know, mastering transformation of your own life. So I think that story would be really helpful to start.



Yes, thank you. I feel like I have been on this journey forever since I came out of the womb, honestly. And yet, I did have a defining moment in my life where my loved one committed suicide. And it was out. Yeah, thank you. And it you know what? Totally. It was my journey, you know, and it was his journey. And we have to honor whatever happens with that. It’s like I have a saying on my wall that says it’s not what happens to you. But what you do with what happens to you, that matters? Yeah, but it took me from there, because that’s a huge defining moment in your life, what are you going to do, and I totally fell apart, I just totally fell apart as you can imagine. And I retreated inside of myself, okay. Now, I’m only five, two. And if I choose my hair just right, I can make it to five. I love it. At that time, as I retreated in, you want, I didn’t want anybody to see me. So I put on weight. And at a small frame, it doesn’t matter. If you put on five pounds or 20 pounds, you look totally different. And that’s what I did. And I held on to my grief and unhappiness for way too many years. And I’m gonna say for probably 10 to 12 I would get better. And I did seek out help, which I always recommend for anything, whether it’s a coach, mentor, therapist, whatever, seek out the help that you need. And I did that. And I was working in the corporate world. It was like one day, I woke up and I went, Well, this is just really foolishness. You’re wasting your life. It was like a button just went off. The switch clicked and I went I’m so exhausted, of being down and depressed and everything. And I will say afterwards. I mean, after he committed suicide of where I was in that depression. I was at the point where I was going to take my own life. Oh my gosh, yeah. And it was only with God, or owl, or whomever are both talking to me and saying, What will this do to your family. And I heard that inner guidance and said, I can’t do it. And so that started the journey of healing, and it took too long. And once that flipped, that switch just kind of flipped and said, I’m kind of exhausted with being depressed and tired and not living my life. That’s when I started on my journey. And everything that I took myself through is what I use in my life. Today I give to my clients, I enhance them. And that’s what the book is about. Because we all have choices. We can stay totally stuck in the comfort zone that we know, which is really an uncomfortable place. Or we can step outside of it into what I consider the beauty of life and the journey.



Wow, okay, wait, that’s something thing you said, sounded a little funny to me. And I want to I want to jump on that. You said kind of staying in the status quo was uncomfortable. So I think it’s like, I always think it’s comfortable. But I kind of get what you’re saying. It’s comfortably uncomfortable.



Yes. Okay. It’s like being perfectly imperfect. That so I like the way you put that. But yes, it’s like most of us stay. We’re in that zone of what we know. We do the same thing. Every day. We have the same food we get up at the same time. We go to the movies, we watch TV, everything is the same. And yet there’s that. Enter uncomfortableness. Let’s put it like that.



Yeah, like we know that we is it that we know that we are made for more God made us for more. But yet, we just walked through what we know because it’s kind of sort of comfortably uncomfortable.



Exactly. And until that voice, and I call it the god voice because it is God talking to us and say, You’re you’re meant for more. And I love the way you put that. Until that becomes so strong that we are just feeling antsy on our body of like, nothing is satisfying us anymore. That’s the door knocking knock at the door saying, hey, it’s time. It’s time for you to grow. It’s time for you to step outside.



Yeah, yeah. I love that. And you know, when you embrace growth, really like embrace it, you know, that that’s required for change, right? I mean, you can’t, if you want to get out of this rut, you’ve got to embrace change, you’ve got to embrace the scary and the different. So I’d love to talk about that a bit.



Yeah, yeah. This scary is our fear, obviously. And that’s our ego voice on the inside. I love it. When I work with my clients, and I’m working them through their fear. And they go, Oh, I dealt with that. I’m totally fearless on that. No problem. And I just kind of giggle on the inside. Because what I know is that we are never fearless. Our fear, the scary things in our life can either keep us stuck and frozen. Or we can fight our way out of it. Or we can see it as a friend as an opportunity to grow and to move forward, motivate us, keep us in that motivation of saying yes, this is what I want to do. And fear is never gonna go away. It’s just how do you view it? How do you shift the perspective and allow it to motivate you to move forward. And that’s a lot. And you know what, one of the biggest things a lot of people like saying they’re fearless, they’re thinking they’re letting go of that, which they don’t want to deal with anymore. And they don’t look at it. And they stuffed it down. And you know, it’s going to rear its ugly head either the same way or a different way. different circumstances, someone’s going to say something that triggers you and boom, you go off on it. Mm hmm. And what we have to do is to be able to, and you’ll love this. You have to totally surrender. We have to let go beyond letting go. Not mentally, but just physically, everything has to stop. We have to make a decision and commit to that decision to say I surrender. It’s not mine to handle. It’s I’m open to hearing what my next step is. And to seek out and receive whatever that is in the way that it is.



Okay. Wow, so much good stuff. Okay. First of all, I totally agree. That fearlessness doesn’t really exist for us humans. There’s lots of things legitimately to fear, like crazy violence that might, you know, pop up at any moment. Look, what just happened in Wisconsin, was it this horrific things that it is absolutely absolutely heartbreaking. So for me, I don’t look at things as being fearless, but more courageous. Like, I have the fear. But despite the fear, I’m stepping out. And I be I stepped out in faith. And that’s why I love your word of surrender. You know me, I’m a Jesus freak. I’m a Jesus freak. He saved my life a million times. And he saved me eternally. Hallelujah. Thank you, God for that. So for me, I surrender my fear to him because he knows best. So I tried to do scary things every day, whether that’s Gosh, I don’t know, pitching an influencer to be on their podcast or back in the old days. It used to be scary to hit the old Live button, you know, on social and now it’s become not so scary anymore. So yeah, I love that idea of surrender. But that starts with a decision. So I’d like to lay in on that a bit. Because I really want our ladies to understand that the quality of our life comes from the questions we ask and the decisions we make as a result.



Yes. And the questions that we ask need to be bigger questions. It’s not about the small questions that are I call them the mundane like, how am I going to pay my bills this month? How am I going to get new clients? How How, how we want to know the how, and that’s the ego brain wanting to know every step there is. And it’s not to know, that’s not our choice to know, it’s not what we need to do. We need to shift our questions from how to or how do I to what’s one thing, it’s just one thing that I can do right now, to make this happen?



I like that, I like that, because what you’re saying is, let’s not overthink the how. And let’s smartly, strategically just take that first step of action, that action step. Yeah.



And you know, the first step is always the hardest step. And so that’s where you if you don’t feel overwhelmed, and that’s what the hell does to you, it overwhelms you, because it’s like, Oh, my God, there’s only one way is the right way. And I’m not sure I’m doing it correctly. And that’s where how keeps us stuck. Because we start thinking about how do I do this, and we get overwhelmed, and we just shut down and go now not the right time. I’ll do that next week, my call at the Scarlett O’Hare. You know, I’ll do it tomorrow syndrome, you know, and yet, if we shift it and say, Well, what’s one thing we can it almost flips that switch again, to say, Wow, well, you could do this, you could do that you could do this, this this, all of a sudden, you’re brainstorming ideas. And all you have to do is just choose one. And then it feels easy to choose that one. And just then again, you have to surrender to know that this is what’s coming from the inside. And understand, well, I got this idea. It feels really, really good. And I know I need to take it. And so that’s not just it’s beyond just a decision, it’s then a choice to commit and to take action. Because for example, it’s like, let me give you one, it sounds really senseless. And I’m going to tell you about it. Okay. Okay. weeks ago, I had signed up to do this barn tour. I live in the western North Carolina area, and there is tons of beautiful homes, show horses and beautiful million dollar barns that people open it up once a year have an annual event, you get to go and just talk with the owner, see the barn, just experience and everything like that. I thought, Oh my God, that’s going to be so much fun. On Friday, when I got the notice of how it was going to happen, it was about a self guided tour. And my little ego brain started kicking in and going, Oh, God, I thought we were going to meet up at a place and all go together. And I’m by myself and I just don’t think I’m going to go I didn’t spend that much money, blah, blah, blah. And I started getting into that pattern of I say yes. And then I say no. And I had to hit the pause button at that moment. Because I went, Oh my gosh, what am I doing? I’m allowing my fear to keep me stuck. And just doing the same thing I do on every Saturday, which is not fun anymore. I want to do more. And so I had to not just decide for it. But I had to commit, set the alarm Get up, take that first step and go to the firstborn. And then it was like, Oh, my God, I had such a great time. But we have to take this step. If we take the step. Yeah,



yeah. I would just say this, in my experience as an adult, both when I had little ones at home, and we would have neighborhood events. And even now as an entrepreneur, what I find is too many women, too many women are saying yes to quickly and they really not committed. And they say I will show up at this event, or I will do this. And then the last minute, there’s always these excuses. And I understand sometimes there’s sickness that comes up. But you know, sometimes it just happens too often where the yes becomes a no. And it is that lack of commitment and perhaps fueled by fear. So ladies, think about yourself. I really love to give you points of application for real life. Do you find yourself being that person that is quick to say yes, because you really want to do it. But then oh gosh, I’m tired tonight. Maybe I don’t want to leave the house and go to that networking event or, you know, maybe I won’t know people at this at this house neighborhood thing, and I’ll feel funny or something. So I love that stick to the commitment.



Exactly. And it’s like, you know, what if even if you took a step, and then you committed and you did that, and it didn’t work out the way you thought, well, guess what, you’ve got about three or four more ideas out here that you can choose one of those now only take a different step.



That’s so good. And it brings up something excuse me, I just want to bring this tie this all together. i There is a sales expert who I absolutely love. Her name is Stacey Bayman. I don’t know if you know, Stacy. She’s amazing. And one of the things that she says I listened to her podcast, I forget exactly what it’s called. But but she’s so good. She’s a life coach. But now she’s swit pivoted to business. But her principles are based on life coaching principles, which is so good mindset stuff. And she says, You know what, too many women are looking for the right offer. They’re trying to discover their right offer. When really she said it comes down to not finding that elusive one right offer, but more creating the right offer, like in other words, you’ve got to commit that this is the right offer. This is the right offer for my people. This is the right offer for me to produce and create and to deliver. And it’s just kind of like what you’re what you’re saying about the commitment and stop worrying about the how and oh my gosh, all the things that could go wrong. And and do my people really want this, you’ve got to as the expert decide, what am I people need? This is what I decided is this is how I’m going to create it. And I’m going all in and I’m not going to doubt it.



Yeah. And you can’t stop if it doesn’t happen immediately. Because there you go. Yes, yes. aside for it, we pull the trigger, we do it. And after two or three weeks that we’ve been marketing and doing everything like that, maybe we’ll give it a month. And I’ll because then we go, it’s just not working, I’ll just move on to something else. You know, and it’s like, no fully commit, be that expert show the people that you have staying power. And they want to be just like you, they want to learn from you, they want to connect with you.



That is so good. Because what I find is that, you know, it is so easy, we are so creative. And so we have 50,000 ideas. So if one doesn’t work, then in our mind, quote unquote, doesn’t work, then we have like 10,000 words go. But until we show up consistently, and be that thought leader. And, you know, like you say expert to say, this is what you need otherwise, look, here’s another thing. Let’s talk about this for a second. Repetition, repetition. You know, like all of us showing up on social or showing up wherever it is we’re showing up on these podcasts, for example, we need to have a consistent message. And so as we’re changing our minds to this one to that one, there’s no consistent message. And so when we’re delivering the message, sometimes it can feel repetitive, but our audience needs that consistency and W to speak to that for a moment. Yeah,



I mean, a lot you you said some very key words. They’re not creativeness. We’re very creative people, or we wouldn’t be an entrepreneur. Right. And yet, one of the things that happens in our creativity is because we have so many ideas, and we can see how we can solve so many problems, etc, and everything like that. We expand too much. We get bored, and we keep moving on to different things. And that confuses everyone, which comes back to the repetition or the consistency. So for me, it’s like I’ve always been about choice, suffering and comfort, how owning your choices will set you fear free. One choice can change your life. I’ve always been about choice. And then as I’ve moved through it, the thing that I’m seeing with women is about choosing your power, your worthiness. And so wrapping it all around that. Do I have other ideas? Oh my gosh, yes. And sometimes I’ve gone off on those tangents, which has confused people with everything. And so once we continue to be who we are, and grow who we are in our message, it doesn’t matter if you’re are an entrepreneur or you’re in corporate. Choose your joy and your passion and be that person. Don’t try to emulate anyone else. Just enhance what you know is true for you. Your own voice your own power. And yeah, then you can look outside get that foundation, have that foundation so that no matter what people are always looking view and going That’s what Judy is all about. That’s what Denise is all about. You know, and then if you’ve been trying out a little bit to weave in some other way, that’s okay. Everybody knows your foundation and who you truly are.



Wow, that is so good. I love so much of what you said. And it, it begins with who God made you to be. And so if we’re not talking to him saying, Lord, I can beat myself up all day long. I can find all my flaws, right? Who am I in you? And what is your purpose for me? So one thing you said, you said, choose your power and choose your worthiness. So for one of the ladies out there who I know, there’s got to be at least one and probably more than one who hears that and she’s like, I wish I could. But I’m not feeling very powerful today. Or I’m not feeling very worthy ever, like, how do we get started on that choice?



You know, let me see if I can give one tool that will help people. And this is a tool that I’m going to tell you right now. It’s difficult. It’s very difficult for my clients to do this. And it is something that will change everything in your life. We have to go with it. Which means we have to love ourselves, first and foremost. And so when you wake up in the morning, go to the bathroom, look in the mirror and look into your eyes and say out loud, I love you. And keep repeating it. I’m going to tell you for some people, and I know and for some moments times that you do it, it’s going to bring tears to your eyes. Because we don’t we do find the flaws. We criticize ourselves, we beat ourselves up. And I don’t care how much I’ve done it, I do it too. I just shipped it quicker. You know? You have to begin with you and to love you fully. We can’t we’ve got to stop looking outside of ourselves to complete ourselves. We have to go within.



Okay, now let me let me just add the Jesus layer



to that. Exactly. I was about to go there. But go ahead.



Go ahead. No, you go ahead. Because yeah, because this is these are subtle nuances. And I want to make sure that the ladies capture all of this. So go ahead, go ahead.



I’ll say it my way. And you can say your way, because I said it before, this is the god voice and we are made in the image of God. So how can we not be beautiful? How can we not love ourselves? If we can’t see it through the God within us looking into the mirror? Allow it you put it in your way?



Yeah, I love that. I mean, we are made in His image. And it’s so easy for us to say I don’t like Lord the way you made this, you know, like, I don’t like my face or my whatever. Right? But and I do it too. I’ll be the first to admit I do that. Yeah, but but it’s really kind of criticizing him, right? It’s basically saying, You know what, God, you made a boo boo. Because actly right. And that’s and that’s not good. And so for me, I, I I’m not how do I say this? I’m not really about self love, because to me self is the root of sin. So I know that absent Christ, I’m flawed. So I get what you’re saying in that. You’ve got to not hit not, you’ve got to like yourself. Like, you’ve got to know that. I always say, a huge part of what I find in women is we beat ourselves up and we’re carrying baggage, and we need to forgive ourselves. And I was just talking to my clients inside my academy. And I was I was I was actually crying on Monday. Because I’ve been going through this thing where I’m thinking about me as a mom, and I made tons of mistakes. I’m so proud of my boys that are strong in Christ. They’re living good lives. They’re They’re good guys who love people love the Lord and love people. But I not too proud of the way I mothered them when I was little and just miserable in a marriage. And I was I was bawling my eyes out and I’m saying you know what? I’ve got to forgive myself of that and know that, okay, I’m not who I was back then thank God. But if I keep carrying around the baggage of oh my goodness, I failed as a mom because I did x, y or z, then that baggage is going to come forward in everything that I do. So there’s got to be a point of as you say, love yourself, but I’d say forgive yourself and know who you are in Christ, that you are perfectly imperfect and that’s okay. That you are constantly becoming the person that God made you to be through surrendering and saying, Lord, just use me. Like tell me where I go to But I do, and then faithfully and courageously stepping forward.



Exactly. Yes, exactly. And it’s kind of like we have to, when we begin to look back, that’s not where we want to go. Unless we’re reflecting and forgiving, and saying things like that mean, we have to look at it and go, You know what, thank you, God, I did the very best that I could with the knowledge I had at the time that I did that. Yeah. And that’s part of the forgiveness, just acknowledging that you were, you were doing what you could at that time with what you have. And that was it. Yeah, because we can’t, the only thing we can’t do is go back and change it, we can change how we deal with it today. And love ourselves through it, and choose differently. And then that changes everything that we are, as we’re emanating out to the world,



I still love that. And you know, even the way you speak, which is why I really appreciate like, I’m kind of like rare, I’m kind of like hyper kind of person. And I talk really fast. And I love your how God made you to be so calming in, in your voice in your demeanor in your spirit. And it’s just so beautiful. As I’m seeing, you know, in you like that’s your gift, like you come to your clients with that sense of calm above all, and control, which is so great, because you decide that this is who I am and who I’m going to be. And that is perfect for you. And then for me, I come with a little bit more of intensity, I guess you would say I’ll be kind to myself, it’s just so beautiful to see that every one of these personalities that God made, right, we are all worthy. And I think that ties in and we can wrap that subject up in a pretty bow to say this understanding who God made you to be. Is your worth. Like that is the value you bring to the world.



Yes, definitely, definitely. And as we accept who that is, our worthiness and the world’s ultimate, there is nothing that can stop us at that point. Except this ego, which we have to get out of our head, get into our heart and our soul.



Right. And again, it starts with the decision to grow. And do this, Gary, I love it. I love it. All right. So you have so graciously agreed to offer something special for our listeners, it’s getting out of your comfort zone program. Tell us about that.



Yes, that is a digital program. I put it as a $47 value, but it’s about it’s like 10 segments. And each segment is like quick and concise. It could be up to 10 minutes, but not too long. But it’s got delivered digitally, you get to see me and hear my voice. But you also have exercises to do it. That will help you to get out of I think I think as input for you sticking as which is a similar thing. But stuckness the lack of clarity that your based program helps you to move out of that into what I call the beauty of what lies outside your comfort zone.



Wow, that is awesome. I’m gonna drop that link in the show notes. Yes.



And there is a promo code you want to say cop eight, which I gave to you gave it to you see, oh, MP eight and that will give it to you free.



Okay, beautiful. Well, thank you for that. I’m sure that is going to be so useful. And I love it. It’s application base with those exercises to walk through. That’s so awesome. All right, where can our listeners find you



many different places. My website is Denise h a n s a rd. You go to YouTube and search for Denise Hansard. I’m looking for just four more to reach that 100 So I can have it personalized. All right. I’m on Instagram. I’m on LinkedIn. I’m on Facebook. All over.



Oh, beautiful. Last question. This is called the joyful scaling podcast. So tell us, what do you find great joy in inside your business?



Oh, working with my clients. It like lights me up. I absolutely love it because I get to see them progress and transform. And that’s that’s the beauty.



Yeah, I’m with you. When those light bulbs go off in the breakthrough moment, just like Hallelujah. Thank you, God. So much for being with us and sharing your wisdom. It was a really fabulous episode. Thanks so much. Thank you, Judy. All right, ladies, thank you for listening. And if you’ve enjoyed this episode, please take just a moment and leave us a rating and review it means So much helps us to climb the ranks as we are. Please tell someone else about the joyful scaling podcast, another entrepreneurial woman or even a corporate woman that has that drive like I did and maybe obviously Denise did for years and years they want to go out on their own. So give them this link so they can listen and grow and step out into the scary as well. Thank you so much for listening and we will see you next time.


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